Change #2

This blog is changing. It’s not the design it’s more about its content. It’s about the author, it’s about myself.

I’m changing.

Hell, I’ve already changed.

Slept last year out.

Au revoir 2009

So I guess the tone of this blog should change too.

–

So change happened, first because my previous computer totally crashed. Major chaos on my screen, like a color vortex eventually turning to black.

So I have a new one, just a wee-bit smaller: 15.6″ instead of 17.3.

Lighter thus easily portable contrary to the previous.

–

Then reading and writing will be my objectives, for now. I put the camera down for a little while about the street photographs documentary style … I need to explore a new genre that needs a damn lot of … darkness.

Guess it always been there in me.

Sure, Tom Waits didn’t help at all last week-end.

Listened to The Heart Of Saturday Night and felt like Harry Angel in Angel Heart.

Good ole Mickey Rourke.

And then again today, listening to Gil Scott-Heron new single “Me And The Devil“. Definitely dark. Fits perfectly my creative spirit.

Those two and Asobi Seksu for a … totally different project.

Need to write down other stuff on my moleskine.

Already wrote a lot in … 12hours.

Living without a comp really gives you time…

to think…

appreciate life…

&c.

–

And Liv, who put my emotional turmoil to an end and with whom I’m happy.

Truly happy.

It feels all new and bizarre and I’m still adjusting, I guess.

Not really adjusting actually … more like … forgetting little by little previous bad shit that happened with other women…

Doesn’t matter.

–

I guess that’s how this blog changes.

It doesn’t describe (because you see me, but do you really see me?) emotions about women … it’s all new.

Different.

So have fun.

Because I’m busy exploring a new universe.

(P.S. First time the title is a double. After a little bit more than 2 years & a half.)

Free time

between exams. Reading Kingdom Come

Feels good to post here, somehow.

Difficulty

I’m wondering why I feel like an alien when I read my notes on my blog.

I wonder where I’ve been to feel this.

I wonder why writing seems so hard right now.

I have time to write articles but I don’t find anything interesting to relate here…

Last year was … an exception, I guess.

Some kind of experience frenzy…

adrenaline for the brain.

This year is more about reflection.

Getting back my creativity.

Stop thinking about how, but about why.

Because I know how, now.

Try to pronounce it.

Sounds like the american movies when you don’t understand English.

Mumbo-jumbo.

So it’s hard to write… again.

Totally felt that when I was writing my “commentary” on my exam sheet.

I never read what I write when I’m on exam…

I guess because I’d like to put a hundred other things on my copy to elaborate subjects but … since I’m not on a comp, it just feels wrong to do it.

I should, though.

Didn’t have good marks on my literature homework “picking cotton”.

Yes, this is a little wink to Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mocking Bird”.

I think a lot more, which is the wrong thing to do most of the time … in real life, that is.

Here, it feels normal.

to think.

meditate.

look back.

…to answer my own questions.

…to wander in my mind and explore those fields of ideas…

*listening to Designer Drugs*

Electro music has a soothing effect on me, just like writing smooths my mind’s clockwork’s.

So old school to compare mind as clockwork…

especially since we know now how the brain works.

(again? seriously?)

But hey, I’m no scientist so I’ll use this image for now.

—

I’ve seen a lot of very interesting movies about reflection, the latest one being Stalker. It’s a haunting movie, and I’m not only talking about the fact that it’s scarily gaunt and quiescent but also because it makes you think ….

about faith…

about trust…

and the end.

You just have to see it.

So anyway, back to the point, I’ve a hard time writing because I’m thinking a lot more…

perhaps it’s just to know how… to then wonder why.

just as in photography…

I don’t care so much anymore about how to shoot it (it’s almost subconscious), so I’ll focus about other things …

passage obligé pops in my mind.

Starting to write down some ideas on the smallest of my moleskine and …

~

who knows ?

quick news

First of all: happy new year!

…then, I don’t have time to write anything here since the exams are coming and both them and Liv have taken all my time. And Patou. And photography.

You got the idea.

First exam today: theme & versions.

Tuesday: literature
Wednesday: some bullshit hearing and writing.
Thursday: free! (will cook sushis & makis)
Friday: Women in Europe during the 18th & 19th century. (actually it shoud be entitled : Women in England during 19th century & women writer in England during the 18th)

Monday: Civilisation. Either the “poor” (really: “Britain history of monarchy & politics from Henry the 8th to Malthusianism.) or The Torres Strait Islanders. YAY

Plus grammar I don’t know when. Geeze!

small thoughts at midnight

feels good to be with someone, even if she’s not here with me.

It feels good to have seen the person you love on christmas eve.

it feels good to have just one very very close friend to talk to on these days too.

Tonight it was my friend Emmanuelle.

It feels good.

I feel good.

I fulfilled Antonia’s wish : “become happier.”

I wish I’ll get to talk to her before the 31st.

A cycle will end that day…

Merry christmas everyone.

=)

(P.S. I’m listening to Joshua Radin right now. Winter/What if You)

#?

I kinda lost count.

I think it should not count.

I’m currently listening to “The Last Kiss” soundtrack and it … brings me back to january 2007.

I can still feel the period.

It seems very far from me and yet my memories of the period are so vivid…

Damn it, I just want to be with Liv tonight.

Maybe I sought this ya know?

I mean, my inconscient sought to be little alone for a little while and … damn it, I miss her a little more every day.

I know it’s because she’s in Ireland right now and that she can’t reach me as often as she’d like

besides she’s busy with her friend.

I also know that despite the fact that I can send her SMS for free … I don’t feel like it.

Perhaps it’s unconscious.

However I think about her a lot.

Not even what we did, it’s about her presence …

I know I feel safe when she’s around.

That’s what you feel when you’re with someone important to you. Emotionally speaking. Distance breaks something deep inside you, doesn’t it? A sort of connexion, a bridge of feelings that connects you with this person. Maybe I’m tripping again.

She’s far and given her SMS(s?) she’s quite a happy girl so I don’t get too depressed when I think about her.

She soothes me when she’s around.

Last night I had a …

don’t know how to call it.

a major freak out.

My brain didn’t work as it normally does, putting me into a weird state where I couldn’t think straight and also put me in a sort of restlessness.

Bad, bad shit.

I guess that’s because of Stalker, the movie I watched last night. And again tonight.

The movie’s friggin weird.

Friggin interesting too, but mostly weird.

It’s late, my dad’s waiting for the following.

G’night fellas.

P.S. I think it’s one of the most personal post I … posted so far.

夙

Je crois que je l’ai suffisamment délaissé le petit.

Time to write people.