On Day I'll Fly Away by Aquasixio
Along with Kanno Yoko’s song “Strangers”, there has been this picture. I didn’t remember it when I wrote the note “prenons 5 minutes”, but it has so many memories attached to it.
I guess what attracted me at first in the song was the sublime, pristine voice of Raj Ramayya. Of course, the saxophone encouraged me to listen to it over and over again.
*scrolling Last FM*
So I guess it was on May 1 or 2. That day, I walked directly towards the Seine with this song in my in-ear headphone set. I was really depressed, yet I felt wrap – mentally speaking – with warmness and apeasment. I can’t say if it was because of the song, the fact that the sky looked a little like the drawing of the above or … that it was the first time I reached peace for days.
I remember listening to the song “Kling Klang” by Cornelius not so far from that day. Actually, I could scroll my notes on this blog to get the date… but I don’t feel like doing this right now. Shibuya-kei is a genre I always liked since I heard from it … so different from everything else, with its own personality and rhythm (that can be said “largely inspired from the 60s” when it comes to Pizzicato Five.).
Back to that day.
I remember sitting on a bench on the “promenade de Seine” in Rouen, and seeing all these couples walking by. (Now that I think of it, I should wander there with Naoko. That won’t be long before her departure…) …And some drug dealers when night finally came. On that day, I also remember playing with chance. It wasn’t a matter of luck for you see there was no good thing to happen in the end : it was an act of total abandonment to randomness. No deep, arcane sense of right and wrong, good or bad…
We all make choices, what’s yours ?
Right ? And choices allows us to make a step further in life. Yet, one has to remember that : we can’t turn back time, can we ?
So I flipped a coin. Three times, as usual. One is not an act of total randomness, there is no thrill in performing the snap with your thumb… you don’t know the answer :you perform an act that deals with pure chance. Hence I flipped it a second time. Right at this very moment , it wasn’t a matter of chances but of hopes. Not really expectations… there wasn’t much to expect. But a lot to hope from the result. And then a third time, just for the fun of it.
I flipped it for a particular reason, and hopefully, even though it had no particular meaning… hmm, actually it might have helped some things to happen. Indirectly, of course, but still, I believe some things happens for that reason.
A little after that, I stood up and walked slowly towards where I had to meet with Hélène and her former boyfriend; at the “Murphy’s” pub.
—
I need to take a break from all that’s been going on in Rouen lately. I have to see Odongoo, and then focus on friends. But fuck me, we’re still in winter, and I desperatly need sunny days, and, most importantly, long walks past 8P.M. to think freely of any kind of disturbances … and peacefully.
—
I want to leave far, far away from here. Although I thought I had deeper feelings than I originally thought for Naoko, I don’t think it’s a good choice to stay. I guess I’ll tell her everything, and then … probably leave.
Or forget.
Forget everything.
Forget what makes me sad.
Forget to make the same mistakes again.
Forget no to be hurt again.
Forget the present, the past … and that there is or is not any future.
Just close my eyes.
Listen to the wind.
Feel its warmth.
Feel that I’m living again.
Feel that I’m in peace with myself.
Just for a second.
That’s all life should be lived for.
