everyone knows that. But I feel lucky every time I see Olivia. Even luckier than when I was with Naoko… or Mélanie. Yup; I feel something I’ve never felt with the two other… can she be more than a muse ? I think she might be.
Small picture from this week.
Copyright Mickaël Sya
and from a previous week.
Copyright Mickaël Sya
The higher you are flying, the harder is the landing.
Naoko’s gone.
shit.
fuck.
I can’t believe it’s happening. She’s friggin gone. It’s over. A part of my life is going to frigging Tokyo in the next flight. OK, she actually leaves in some days, but still… I can’t believe it.
As I was walking to Hélène’s appartment, I suddenly realized that she was gone.
Fuck.
I can’t believe it.
The uni-year is fucking gone, too. Where are April and May ? Shit, I’m looking back and I see a cloudy space instead of sunny and pleasant days.
Speaking of space, I had this image where stars were people you put voluntarily in this big dark blue sky. You know, Naoko being gone, I felt that I was throwing a little star in the sky; and I knew that every time I would look at the star, I’d see her lying there. I’d like to have a beautiful vision in my life that would remind me of her, but I don’t. Besides, I have Olivia now, and I feel like betraying her speaking of Naoko like that, but, hey, I spent 4 months with her and … I had feelings for her. This kind of shit doesn’t go that easily.
During these 4 crappy months, I never felt more alive intellectually speaking; the next four month would be much more interesting about new experiences… This scholar year have been so intense…
she’s gone.
Au wa wakare no hajime, right?
we can’t turn back time, can we ? Not that I want to. Or maybe I’d like to…
But for what ? huh ? for nothing. This is just the emotion speaking; not me. I have Olivia now, and she’s much more better than Naoko in a lot of respects…
it’s just that…
she’s gone.
fuck.
…is the title of my dossier I have to hand back next week. I mean “hand” back, for it’ll probably be an e-copy I’ll send.
This shit is ruining my days, as I constantly have it in mind, whatever my activity is. SCREW this shit.
I mean, as most of the things that happen in this world, there are always two sides for any change : a positive, and a negative. Sometimes they balance each other, other time they don’t.
Now that the strikes are over (even though my classes haven’t started over … and won’t, which means that I basically did NOT have any classes this semester…) I have to make my own research to produce a friggin 5 to 10 pages dossier about something I don’t give a flying bugfuck. I mean, what the fuck ?
and because of this mess I’ll have to work my ass off next week before taking two weeks of exams. *yelling of anger*
I hate this shit. I don’t get to see O. without thinking that I could be studying instead. I guess I could say it’s a bad timing, but I’ll just say that I hate this shit, and in particular all those fucking hypocrits who are fighting for their asses before anything else. Remember that humans always act in their own interest.
I’m only waiting for this society to collapse.
Ka-boom.
Then I’ll have plenty of time to have fun. But before this happen, there will be countless days of work and struggle to get something better.
Can’t wait for all this to be over!
Je comptais écrire un billet sur ce qui s’est passé ces derniers jours, mais à bien y réfléchir, ce serait beaucoup de temps perdu.
Je me suis surpris à réécouter Dido, et, deux ans après avoir eu cette “période” Dido, je dois avouer l’apprécier tout autant malgré les nombreux changements qui se sont opérés en moi ces dernières années… comme quoi il faut jalonner sa route, histoire de “se” retrouver …
Mis à part ce petit détail, quelque chose de plus profond se développe … more on that later 
Life’s good.
fuck yeah.
Feels good to make a new note with some film material. I really thought my SLR was dead, but apparently I was just being a total newbie and missed the basics… Alas, as they say “it’s always kicking you when you’re down”, right ?
© Mickaël Sya
I know, it’s a sort of double post … but hey, I didn’t know if my SLR was still alive back then, so I doubled every shot … I mean, I didn’t really double “every” shot, but I had both my cameras with me… you never know.
© Mickaël Sya
Whereas digital photos were only about faces, I experimented a little more with actions, situations… a little more than “just a portrait”, actually, I wanted to go a little beyond that.
Yup, I’m already bored with the genre.
I know.
© Mickaël Sya
Ok, not totally without a “face” shot, I admit it. But still, I was focused on other things. I wanted to “evolve” a little. No doubt I’ll continue shooting with film for a long time… no doubt.
© Mickaël Sya
Can’t tell you why I prefer films to digital, except for the usual/obvious. Hence I won’t mention them here. I guess it surely has with the dynamic. Yeah, go figure.
I like this portrait of Fat. It has some kind of “old” feeling in it… maybe because I focused a little just in front of her… dunno.
© Mickaël Sya
The sisters. This time with the 50 only. I think I prefer the one with the 28…
anyway, doubles, doubles…
© Mickaël Sya
he’ll kill me when he finds out. On the other hand, it’s so him doing his “Mike, you’re stupid, don’t take me. No. Put that camera away. Mike, you’re an asshole.”
And here you can appreciate the difference between a real 50 and a 50 on a small frame captor : which means a 75.
© Mickaël Sya
As I was saying, I focused a litte more on the situations. And here, I could say about the geometry of the place.
Public library.
People studying.
Silence.
Clic-Clac.
Sorry!
© Mickaël Sya
Two glasses ?
But no one on the chair in front of me ?
Next to me ?
Acutally, not really.
© Mickaël Sya
I was with O.
© Mickaël Sya
2 seconds interval here, I guess. I can’t tell why, but there’s a strange feeling floating around these two photographs…
Can’t tell.
Wait and see.
A new roll to come soon. W00t.
Ces trois derniers jours auront été marqué par l’incessant ballet des nuages au dessus de ma tête. Orage sur orage, les jours ont été très sombres par ici. Enfin, pour le coup je ne fais pas de figure de style; je ne fais qu’énoncer une réalité.
Temps particulier de ce mois de mai mis-à-part, les coïncidences sont toujours présentes dans ma vie, cette fois-ci sous la forme de personne que je n’avais pas vu depuis …lontemps. Coïncidences, car par plus tard que le week-end dernier je me disais que je n’avais pas revu lesdites personnes depuis que je me suis délocalisé à Rouen. Je crois que la première fois devait être lundi dernier.Une jolie demoiselle, pour commencer, que je revois à un arrêt de bus alors que j’étais avec Hélène. Cette même demoiselle que j’ai revue aujourd’hui en prenant le car pour rentrer dans ma campagne. C’est vrai qu’elle a un visage particulier – peu commun, comparé à ceux que je vois au quotidien…
En parlant de jolies choses, mon appareil argentique ayant décidé qu’il prendrait sa retraite plus tard, j’ai une nouvelle pellicule à scanner. D’après les négatifs, je dirais qu’il y a 2 ou 3 photos qui valent la peine d’être traîtées et mise en ligne … mais je peux me tromper. J’en saurai plus dimanche, une fois que j’aurai les scans sous les yeux.
Les choses évoluent… écrivais-je hier. L’année se termine, le mois de mai est déjà arrivé à sa moitié et je suis sûr que je serai mi juin avant même de m’en rendre compte – fichus exams! Je ressens ce sentiment de l’année dernière, cet été monochrome, plein de saveurs et de mélancolie… je le ressens…
étrangement tôt.
weird.
Try to get a Korean to English translator; I’m not telling you what the title means today.
Things are going well, thus the absence of notes in the blog. Besides, happy people are boring : they’re happy. I get that, don’t worry. The reason of this note is that my ninja-pimp power have gone beyond control. My Machiavelli plan has succeeded beyond expectations. It worked so well I need to think about a step 3.
The irony of the situation made me laugh so hard inside I had thrills for a moment. The moment after, being ecstatic, I broke a glass. Imagine that. I mean, I know changes occur all the time, but there it’s … just so uncommon. “People never change” is something I always kept in mind, and yet here I find the premisces of a change. Surprinsly, I secretly expected something like this to happen. When limits are reached – whether deadlines or humans – things happen. Situations evolve, whether you like it or not.
I like this change.
It happens a little too late, even though the timing is perfect.
I’m listening to “Fever Dreams”; a small reminder of a dark period of this year, near its very beginning.
Waiting for a train to come at 1 in the morning.
Waiting for things to evolve, too.
Things evolved, but not as I planned them to do. You see, even though events didn’t turn out as I wanted them to, I can’t help thinking it is surely for the best : new experiences and numerous mistakes forged a new part of my soul when I was feeling the flamlet of Hell brushing against my very-self.
Maybe next week I’ll see Naoko. Maybe my unfinished business with her will be put to an end.
Who knows?
I don’t really care about her, actually I have so much more in mind that I’ll dedicate another note to the subject. For the time being, I’ll only have to say that I feel good, even though I need to overcome a negative opinion I have with myself in order to step up and walk towards something better…
hope you’re alright folks.
