#200

notes published since 2007.

…

yeah, is there really something to celebrate here – apart from the fact that I’m still bloging …?

you conclude whatever you want from this.

Just wanted to continue the journey I’ve taken with you, dear reader, by going into the month of December …

-

December

As much as I like November, I have to admit I’ve always both feared & loved this month of December; as days go by, you go towards Christmas and … plenty of stuff.

gifts, mostly, of course.

but also family meals.

you know the kind… however, since the family here is kinda small, I cannot say I’m bored with all the people and that I can’t remember their name or whatever spoiled little brat finds as an excuse not to share with his kins.

Back to this year : it began … strangely, as my relation with the muse tended to get more cloudy than I first wanted it to be. Hey, I don’t hate the player, I’d rather hate the game … except that I generally love the game more than the player herself.

Maybe not with Liv … that’s probably why she’s not only a muse – therefore here for a defined period of time.

I mean, I don’t “define” how long a relation(ship? really ?) with a muse last, but I know how long it might…

— I didn’t look back into the notes since … at least mid-2008. I did it just right now, cuz I was pretty sure I would be forgetting stuff. —

Yeah, it brought back so many memories … all of a sudden… wow, it’s overwhelming!

You may figure I use a more “direct” style than usual.

more linked with my memories, spirit and soul

or is it Anna Nalick’s song ?

November brought some awesome music (October too, but only its end), like Robin Thicke; James Morrison (new album), John Legend (too), Sam Sparro, Jamie Liddel (new album), and … well, some others too.

No wonder I’ve been so intellectually stimulated!

no wonder market/ad-boy makes nice sales figures…

So, getting back to the point.

-Put some Lidell.-

FOR REAL ( )

Man, one of the most striking thing of the first part of December was N’s changing behavior. One day we’d kiss, the other I’d barely see her.

bitch.

I wouldn’t have imagined that Jeremy’s words would have so much meaning than back then.

Started my passionate relationship with the shop named “Sens & Sens” at the same period.

and their three-fucking-euros candles.

Also with long – VERY LONG – bath.

Yeah, N’s probably much more involved in that that I would like her to be.

You’d think I still have feelings for her when I write stuff like that.

maybe you’re right.

or maybe it is the fact that I had feelings back then and that memory erases the bad moments.

or maybe that she made some stuff right.

maybe a little of all this.

dunno for sure.

who can, anyway ?

back to the point.

The second week of December was … probably a torture; both physically and mentally.

I had horrible abdominal pain that ruined my trip to London … because I had to figure some stuff with the muse.

because I had to figure some stuff with myself, too.

Seeing BeN back there was a relief, I don’t doubt it for a second.

Even though he was – and I too – idealist about the muse.

but I came back from London with new ideas…

and also an exam the following day.

haha, I nailed the mo-fo with a 17 and a “brilliant writing”.

probably the only time a prof wrote something like that on my exam sheet.

whatev.

bunch of morons they are.

This prof’s going to Paris next year.

What a surprise, hey ?

December, 2nd part.

Actually, the 2nd part started with the exam.

But I consider the 2nd part of December started when vacations started.

when N left for Italy and never really came back from there.

or maybe did she come back, actually.

Back in the hood, I had fun with Erwan – you know, homecoming and shit.

Even saw BeN on the 24th of December. I remember listening to California Dreaming in a loop during that period.

A sign for what was to come ?

Could be possible for God’s sake.

More about that in March

Man, this is the kind of period in my life I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. Even though I felt like shit. Even though I knew I’d be heartbroken.

As Cweeks wrote : “A heart does what it does best; it loves. Brain fucks things up.”

Word.

Yeah; I could write a lot about what happened back then.

Everything felt so … intense.

I guess I can safely say N was the most intense – intellectually speaking – muse I ever had.

Even though she’s fucking dumb.

I guess the contact with the foreign cultures indeed opens the existence.

wait

It’s “from wonder into winder existence opens”. Lao Tzu

Peace out y’all.