Berserk
seems to be the only word reasonable to describe what happened from February to the middle of May.
Shown my shots of the wedding to the wife.
Worked out fine.
Good for me.
-
February
Are you familiar with the word “turning point” ?
Cuz February was a turning point in my life.
The turning point in my life.
First of all, classes stopped.
Strikes began.
Photographic opportunities started too.
With strikes, my usual “routine” of weeks ended quite abruptly.
and I’m a guy who likes routine for I don’t like chaos in my life.
but the turning point happened during the night between the 12th and the 13th.
with N, of course.
Bloody Beetroots x Steve Aoki concert.
Paris.
Hell.
I mean, people think Hell is to be found on a battlefield, with the belly of pregnant women wide open and children buried till their head with tank rolling over them.
I’d say it’s only Earth; only the bad side of it.
Humans at their most primitive/almost primal condition.
For many it’s their Hell and I don’t know what’s your past, but mine doesn’t include such horrors. Therefore I’m not calling this Hell.
I’d describe Hell as something very personal, where your soul is exposed and vulnerable.
So I’ve been in Hell.
And damn, Succubus are hot as Hell.
on crack too, probably.
Muses on crack.
Still haven’t figure where to draw the line between muses & succubus.
but that’s the night when N and I drew a line between us.
and never crossed it until May.
The line that would lead me to many things … mostly bad things, gotta admit.
The line that would change my state of mind and relations with women as a whole.
For Mélanie broke up from a relationship and … I kinda knew we were heading toward a wall.
but N … I was idealistic.
That’s when I switched from “emotional” to “efficient”
That’s when I started to focus on me and not on “us”.
a week later I was with someone else.
with P.
But right from the start it was complicated.
Too good to be simple.
Too good to be true, to use a cliché.
Also, I promised myself not to fall once more for the trap that is long-distance talking.
I mean, where’s the relationship when you only talk and cannot feel the others breath.
or heartbeat.
or whatever.
Tried to be romantic on this one.
Even though it’s easier than back then, I still have a problem being romantic.
Hank might have influenced. And Jason too.
Anyhow.
Got a bad conscience since those 3 days with her.
or was it 4?
can’t remember.
Could check though, but I don’t want to.
After that … started parties after parties.
at least twice a week.
Started to sleep only at 1AM.
Never stopped from doing so since then.
maybe a couple of time I started to sleep at 11pm.
or at midnight.
still it was very occasional.
still is.
Yeah, that’s how the shit started.
only by a simple night in Hell.
3 redbulls.
couple of shots – no pun intended.
Electro music.
And a Japanese muse.
Turning point.
Consequences tomorrow.
or the day after.
