12.25AM

Se retrouver. Ecrire pour soi; converser avec soi-même; oublier les autres, leurs égos, leurs envies, leurs défauts.

Oublier. le passé, ne pas penser au futur; à l’année dernière ou à celle à venir; à lundi précédant ou à dimanche suivant.

Imaginer. S’évader du quotidien, apprécier son chez-soi; son espace; ses envies chimériques et ses projets saugrenus.

Parler. Avec ses amis de longues dates ou les rencontres du mois passé.

Vivre.

et vivre dans son univers.

Welcome back Kaede.

[Hayashi is now 6 pages long.]

Moleskine

I really love this little note-book.

Yesterday I decided to stop conversing like I did for the last year.

Figured it didn’t work because … this blog was only meant for myself and when I don’t sleep at 3AM I figure things like this.

Figured I was loosing a part of myself by … I don’t know. Talking about trivial stuff, like that.

Like I didn’t write that, fuck me I miss my gf.

That I’ve seen District 9 today and it was an awesome movie!

That the series Satisfaction is a pretty good series after all. About a classy brothel and its workers.

I’ve been listening to Amanda Blank.

Played a little too many times the solitaire… or Red Faction Guerilla.

Anyway.

I see H. and J. on respectively Wednesday & Thursday.

J. is now in Paris but stays in Rouen…

I feel like it is only temporary … but I’ll see that on Thursday, of course. When I talk with her around a nice Japanese dinner. Oh boy oh boy!

Especially since she brought me some awesome chopsticks from Tokyo. Or somewhere around Tokyo, anyway.

With Toshusai Sharaku’s Ukiyo-e [ 浮世絵], and other Japanese artists.

And green tea.

will try that with her …

before I can try it with Liv.

Please make next week come faster!

Sky Might Fall

What a world that I’m livin’ in,
Will the rainstorms ever end,
Still I feel my… path narrow,
I run again,
See happiness is gone again,
And then you see ‘em,
Grey clouds up above man,
Metaphor to my life man,
Still I feel my…heart stronger then its ever been,
Strong will to my journey ends,
‘Til then I roll,
More then I’ve ever rolled not pills but the mari-ol’,
Still I feel my…eyes heavy when the days go,
Nothing helping with my head dose,
But I aint sleepin’,
Awake in another state,
Livin’ in a new space,
Still I feel my…mind runnin’ at a steady pace,
God help me so I’ll win the race

‘Til then I call
The sky might fall
The sky might fall
But I’m not worried at all
C’mon C’mon
The sky might fall
The sky might fall
But I’m not worried at all
Hey Hey
I let them know some, let them know some, let them know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen uuup
Hey I let them know some, let them know some, let them know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen uuup

Grey clouds took together fam,
Lining piercing to another land
Over the desert wit’ the lost play,
Soul searching each in every way,
An then you see tha,
Awesome sounds so profound within,
It’ll grip you…you can see it,
If you hear you can feel it too,
Somethin’ special I am runnin’ to,
‘Til then I go,
Away very far away,
To another universe where all people say,
Its a new new place for the special to embrace,
Like a martian you seein’ it,
Wandered out the place,
Take what you need from the valley of the hopeful,
Even if you dry you’ll be floatin’ high above it,
You can say Bye Bye Bye,
Sky might be fallin’ but remember you can fly high.

The sky might fall
The sky might fall
But I’m not worried at all
C’mon C’mon
The sky might fall
The sky might fall
But I’m not worried at all
Hey Hey
I let them know some, let them know some, let them know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen uuup
Hey I let them know some, let them know some, let them know some
You can listen up, listen up, listen up, listen uuup

—KiD CuDi

Listening to his latest release when I’m not playing at Red Faction Guerilla. Got to recover from the parties and the alcohol.

y’a know.

the usual.

Ikea

I guess inspiration can be found even in the most universal furniture shop in the world – or not exactly within the walls of the shops, more like once you stepped out of it, went back to your place and comfortably sat in your chair in front of your comp.

Yeah, I’m writing a little. Of course it is no comparison to the moment I had with Liv at her place : grey day; her sipping tea staring at the window, me lying on the floor writing. I know it was one of those moments I remember. And so does she.

She’s off harvesting grapes to make some genuine champaign. In Champagne. Ya know.

I miss her.

Reminds me of some other time with another girl.

And even though she is the total opposite of that girl (maybe not “total”, but still), the feelings I have when she is away are the same I had, somehow. Only different because … well, things are different. Still, I can’t help but to feel some weird similarities between the two.

And yeah, you got it, not the good parts at all.

Things are different remember ?

A lot different, and yet the situation looks like the same.

Distance, separation.

Expiration date ?

Don’t know.

Can’t tell.

Maybe, maybe not; I’ll see in due time.

What I know is that…

it seems that things never change.

I mean they do, but there are always some similarities even when you don’t want them to be around in your relationship.

Goddamn.

It wasn’t supposed to be like that.

And to know that N. wants to go back to Europe.

What a bitch she was … still, she had consistency.

When you flee, you better flee for good.

Don’t come back to the crime scene, cue things never changes there.

A crime is still a crime.

haha, I suppose sometimes there just isn’t any places left to hide.

Hide or keeping a low profile – either way it doesn’t seem to work.

Anyway, I’m listening to KiD CuDi’s 2nd album (a surprisingly good album!) at 11:41PM when I should sleep.

3 nights of fiestas.

I’m tired.

Don’t want to sleep, don’t want my eyelids to be the backcloth of my personal collection of films that all starts with the name “Flashback”.

And oh yeah, they’re vintage.

Anyway, I should sleep, 15hours in 3 days ain’t good.

“Day ‘n’ nite. // The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at nite // He’s all alone through the day ‘n’ nite. // The lonely loner seems to free his mind at nite, ah ah at nite.”

I want to be with Liv.

Damn.

Diamonds are forever.

After 3 years, I’m still listening to KanYe West.

Imagine that.

But that’s not the point.

The point of this post is the fact that I talked (or more likely, wrote) to Mustafah Abdulaziz, a young up-and-coming photographer from NYC, already in the MJR collective at the age of 23.

I thank him for being so available and open to talk. It’s rare to find these qualities among awarded photographers of photojournalism.

I guess photojournalism closes you from the world, in a way.

How can you be interested in some people scandal when you come back from Iraq or Afghanistan … or even after the Iran Election of June 09?

Kinda hard to be interested in some Brit brit scandal or Madonna latest pet-boyfriend.

Or in his case, the story behind a methadone mother he done for himself rather than for the NY times or Newsweek.

So we chatted a little, or more precisely, he frankly answered some questions I had.

I said that sometimes, even if you know things, you have to heard them from other people, moreover professionals.

I guess if strikes come back, I will cover some personal stories rather than the whole event, even though strikes are always interesting…

That and using only the 17-70 to cover the whole thing. I’d rather like a 24-bastardized-35 or a 35-bastardized-50 but …

you gotta do what you gotta do.

And dropping the SLR back at home, or just for some street shots.

taco ru… 50 rules!

yeah.

現実を笑う

Genjitsu wo warau.

Laughing at reality. [椎名林檎's translation]

So 椎名林檎 released a new album in June, pursuing her career as a very weird Japanese artist that regroups many genres … generally in every single song she writes/sings. And the latest release 三文ゴシップ (sanmon gossip : superficial gossip) is different yet basically the same as her previous solo album. I liked the 雅-miyavi--like first music arrangement with the rappers… pretty much like Myv’s samurai session album.

Anyway…

The spleen is definitely well installed here … and although it was easy to deal with when I was on my own, it’s … really a pain to deal with when I’m in a relationship, apparently. Not that I don’t want to deal with it or that I don’t want to be kind with Liv… but I had manipulative bitches and other kinds of really fucked-up girls in my life …

though she is different and I realized it, the second she makes a mistake I’m already jumping at her with a knife in my mouth, ready to verbally ruin what she wanted to say in the first place.

What a mess I am right now.

but I’ll cope with it … I hope it won’t be too long though, cuz I hate this part quite a lot. And I know that it can ruin my relationship.

I’m aware of that.

much more than anyone could think.

unfortunately, I can’t … really do anything against it.

I guess shielding yourself against bad people can be against yourself  when you’re having good people around you.

I have to focus on good things, I have to take a break from all my worries.

and wander, my friend.